My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
