i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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