so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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