he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
bring money and cleavage
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Blood and glitter go together right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
