So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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