Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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