Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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