I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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