my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
