Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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