Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
