i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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