How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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