I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
