We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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