On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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