I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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