You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found puke in my bra..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
