trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
