So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
