I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
