no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
