his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
