I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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