so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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