i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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