The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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