Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
