i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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