I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
