A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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