Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A+ Viking dick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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