I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize