I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
