I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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