I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
