need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude i'm inner monologue high
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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