She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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