I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
