He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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