i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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