so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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