i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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