I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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