He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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