Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
