i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
