i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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