Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
