Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
