well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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