we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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