Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
