girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
