I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He felt like a one man threesome
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
