Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
