Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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