just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
