WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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