I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
