Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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