It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
