why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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