I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
