my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
